Saturday, 21 January 2012

Mini Bananas and Sausage Hunts

Awkwardness ensues at the grocery store...

While out perusing the grocery store for new recipe ideas, I developed the most horrendous case of "STFU" syndrome  (Shut the F*ck Up). It's usually best if I just high tail it on home on these days, but when a girl has a hankering for some pudding, she best be getting her pudding!!!!  (whoops!!  Almost put two ss in place of the d in pudding...whew!!  Awkward blog moment spared!!!)

So there I am, perusing the fruit and veggie aisle when I absentmindedly ran into a lovely display of mini bananas.  You know the absurd looking ones that are the size of your fingers???  Man I love those bananas.  Well I picked them up and feeling a bit naughty, I placed one strategically beneath two oranges.  Well I got a case of the giggles.  Yes it was preteen fascination at best, but I'll take a laugh when and where I can get it.  And not only did I giggle, but I "donkey laughed".  (You know that strange super loud noise you make when trying to conceal a laugh, but only end up belting out an awkward noise that more sounds like a mentally challenged "hee haw" than a "ha ha"?)  Yeah, that happened.  Trying to cover my tracks I then began to hum loudly as to make my fellow shoppers believer that perhaps I was just singing a little tune.  Unfortunately for me, I am the worlds most awful hummer and sounded more like a wounded pigeon on crack. 

I then had a slightly uncomfortable encounter with the "Meat Man" when he asked if he could help me.  I responded "No thank you....I am on the "sausage hunt".  While saying this, I somehow managed to give the man a thumbs up as well as a wink.  I think I either made his day, or invited a sexual harassment suit.  I guess we'll see the next time I'm in!  (Note to self:  Perhaps buy sausages elsewhere)

I figured it was time to leave the store, but not before one more awkward conversation with a lovely poofy haired woman with Mick Jagger lips and a gorgeous red purse.

Awkward Baker(standing a bit too close to the lady, because the man behind smells of old cheese) : "You could fit a large sized sweater into your purse." *Makes pained face at strange choice of words...then tries to smile so as to not seem too "Rain Man".

Lovely lady with poofy hair:  "Er...yes, I suppose I could..."  looks around nervously. 

Awkward Baker:  "Red is nice too"  *Quickly grabs Mr. Big bar and scoots to the next checkout..."

I then rushed home to make Chocolate Pudding Shooters.  Do it.  Seriously, they are amazing.  Kind of like being 6 again...only better, since you are getting a bit sloshed! 

You will need: 
  • Instant chocolate pudding mix (Oooh, memories of the old Bill Cosby commercials are rushing back to me.  Do yourself a favour and You Tube them.)
  • 3/4 cup milk
  • 1/4 cup vodka (smiles)
  • 1/2 cup Baileys Irish Cream  (Any old Gregg fans out there?  "Bailey's. Mmm... creamy. Soft creamy beige.")
  • 500 g Cool Whip (Just use your leftovers from last nights "whipped cream bikini")
Do it up:
  • Mix the pudding and milk together. 
  • Joyously stir in the vodka and Irish Cream.  (Sing a little song about how happy you are to be doing this)
  • Add Cool Whip
  • Put the mix into your desired glasses
  • Put in the freezer for half an hour or so.
  • Consume and enjoy!!!

    Quote from "Modern Family"

          Cameron: Why do you have to throw a wet blanket on my dreams?
Mitchell: I do not.
Cameron: You do it all the time! And you know what I end up with? Wet dreams....I heard it as soon as I said it, just leave it alone.

Hee hee hee...Ooh, just so you know, I'm on Twitter now!!  I'm tweeting, or twitting or twatting...whatever, I'm new to this.  Follow me!  @TheAwkwardBaker

1 comment:

  1. I so enjoy reading your awkward encounters; makes my life seem normal ;-) Also, I LOVE Old Gregg...and Baileys...and his love for Baileys...and his Baileys art.