Friday, 30 March 2012

The Awkward Games...

If you still haven't figured it out, the Awkward Baker is a tad bit of a dork.  I eat geek-eroni for lunch and spaz-ghetti for dinner.  (Also, I drink wine with all of the above...which explains the terrible puns). I'm quite familiar with all things Battlestar Gallactica and I'm a die hard Jacob fan.  (I shall someday sculpt those abs out of  No Bake Nutella Cheesecake .)  It should come as no surprise to you that I am also a ginormous Hunger Games fanatic.(Peeta...if only I could smother you in butter cream icing and set you gently on top of a Cadbury Creme Cupcake...)  Ahem...Sorry about that.  I had an unfortunate "run in" with a very slow moving automatic door earlier this week and I still haven't quite regained full "Awkward Baker" composure yet.  Seriously though, why do they take so long to open???  A girl is just bustling about, high heels and sharp Spring dress, head held high and brand new "fancy undies" in tote.  The last thing on her mind is the speed of the self opening door!!!!  Of course I would get the "special" door and end up flat faced and bruised!  It didn't help that I belted out my signature  "donkey bray laugh" and then dropped the bag of lacey undergarments all over the muddy floor and had to retrieve them whilst maintaining a small shred of dignity.   
So back to my Random Act of Hunger Games Awkwardness.  Much like a sheltered pre-teen in the throes of a Justin Bieber concert, I have an awful tendency of becoming a tad bit...overexcited when one of my nerdy books becomes a movie.  Let's just say that my mind is excruciatingly lazy and I get sick of picturing all of my fave characters as stick people with bad hair.  My most awkward moment came from a "theme party" gone wrong.  I can only assume that when I wrote "Hunger Games Theme Party" on the Facebook e-vite that my intelligent friends (and their friends etc) would (despite my lack of clarification due to the door smacking incident) get my drift and come in character.  Nope.  I was the only one rocking a Katniss style braid down to my buttocks, sweet brown "gently used" hunting jacket and a set of (incredibly sharp..ouch!)  arrows .  Theme party fail. 

I've compiled a list of other awkward "Hunger Games" moments that could possibly arise in the next few weeks...

-Your sister asks if you would volunteer as tribute for her if the Hunger Games ever became a reality.  *awkward silence ensues*

-It's a gorgeous sunny day and you are cruising around, windows down, tunes blaring with your homies in tow.  Awkwardness ensues as  Rues Song comes on....for the 6th time...and you accidentally fist pump and yell "This is totally my JAM!!"

-You start giving the three fingered wave to everyone...(Three fingers to the lips then into the air)

-You begin to refer to yourself in the third person adding "The Girl on Fire".  The Awkward Baker...Girl on Fire... (actually, there was this one unfortunate incident with a creme brule torch and a bottle of whiskey....)

-You find yourself belting out "The Capital!!"  when someone asks where your dream vacation is. 

I know there are readers out there who are feeling me with this Awkward thing, so leave a comment!  Let me know I'm not alone and give me your own Awkward Hunger Games moment!!!


It's Friday, and let me tell you that the Awkward Baker needs a drink.  I assume that you are all with me here, as I just made you read about my dorky obsessions.  I had so much fun making  Homemade Baileys on Valentines Day that I thought I would research other DIY drinks!  I came across this fabulous, easy recipe for Kahlua!!!!  How much fun would it be to roll up to your "Hunger Games" theme party rocking your own Kahlua for Mudslides?  No one would even notice that you are dressed up!  I found this recipe on one of my favourite sites, The Cupcake Project and it turned out AMAZING!  I'm half in the bag now and I haven't even BEGUN to mix drinks yet!

What you Need:
  • 6 cups of your favourite brewed coffee (7 if you need one for yourself after a long day!) 
  • 1 pound light brown sugar
  • 3 1/2 tablespoons Vanilla
  • 1/2 litre of vodka...sweet glorious vodka!!!! I sure do love you!!! (oops, took a shot or two for myself!!)
Do it up:

Edward Wandering Onto the Set of the Hunger Games
  1. While the coffee is still hot, mix in the brown sugar.
  2. Let it cool
  3. Mix in vanilla and vodka.  (Do the running man to burn off calories that you will be soon be consuming...also because it's fun and looks hot)
  4. Serve it up!  Alone over ice, ice cream topper, mudslides, wet dreams, screaming orgasms (yep, they're real!)  or add it to your baking for an extra oomph!  Cookies, icing and pudding would be DELIGHTFUL!!!!
Photo from "The Cupcake Project"


    May the wine be ever in your flavor!!!!

    In place of a quote of the day, watch this hallarious video!!!

    Thursday, 15 March 2012

    Kiss Me, I'm Awkward....Happy St. Pats!!!

    I'm going to begin this blog by telling you how much I dislike St. Patricks Day.  Green doesn't go well with my "awkward".  I'm all for a holiday that encourages copious alcohol intake and ludicrous behaviour amongst the masses.  However, a holiday that has turned my least favourite colour into a trend?  Ew.  Also, I dont' get a day off of work for this "holiday" so I kind of feel that it's a sham (rock).  Get it?  ha ha ha.  I think the biggest reason for my tasteful disregard of St. Patricks day would be the leprechauns.  Creepy little friggers.  I have always had a deep seeded fear of their tiny hands, squishy faces and sneaky desire for pilfering.  You can try to dress them up in adorable tiny taylor made green suits and have them prancing about on rainbows doing jigs, but I'm not fooled.  All in all they are still stalking children trying to steal their "lucky charms".  Nothing creepy about that at all.  (Insert wildly sarcastic face) Saturday night while the rest of the planet is at an Irish bar, wearing their tacky variations of "Kiss me I'm Irish" apparel, I'll be under my covers with a large glass of wine (and lets face it, probably a large bowl of Lucky Charms because they are frigging magically delicious).  I'll probably have my "Celtic Lullabye" cd on full swing and I will be wating for the night to end. Please tell me I'm not the only person with a) a heavy diversion to the colour green and b) a paralyzing phobia of leprechauns.

    As with  
    Valentines Day  I have put together a few easily avoided awkward moments stemming from my experiences with this "marvellous" holiday. 

    That awkward moment when....

    -You accidentally yell "LEPRECHAUN!!!"  at a "little person"  and poke them in the belly while demading they give you their pot of gold.  Also it's 10am and you're at work. 

    -You head to the bar with your colourblind friend.  She's wearing red. 

    -You reach into your (giant green) purse to haul out a pen to give the hot Irishman at the bar your number...but instead haul out a tampon.  Which causes you to have a mini freak out and you fling it into the air.  It lands in his lap. 

    -You over your date. 

    -You show up to work in head to toe green (including the "mossy stone" nail polish, neon hair clip-on and shamrock belt).  It's only March 16th. 

    -You finally confide in your friends about your phobia of leprechauns.  Instead of being understanding (like you were when "Sally" told you about her "thing with feet") they use the opportunity to make fun of you at every social event.  You turn into the "crazy friend" with the "thing with leprechauns". 


    Although I dislike the holiday, I love the drinks!!!  Especially this fabulous one I found at  "Dine and Dish"  for St. Patricks Day Grasshoppers! It's super simple and filled with alcohol!  A recipe after my own heart.  I do love it when people mix ice cream with liquier!!!  This should take a bit of the edge off on Saturday before the Leprechauns arrive!

    St. Patrick's Day Grasshopper Ice Cream Cocktail
    • 5 Quart Plastic Bucket of Vanilla Ice Cream
    • 3 shots of Creme de Menthe liquor
    • 1 shot of Creme de Cacao liquor
    • 1 shot of Irish Whiskey 
    Mix all of the ingredients together and taste.  Feel free to add more (and more and more) liquer to strengthen the taste!  Top with whipped cream for extra tastiness!!!

    Photo from "Dine and Dish"

    Use your creative awkwardness to garnish these puppies!  Candied shamrocks, green sprinkles...the dollarstore is filled with tacky glasses, straws and serving platters!  What is YOUR favorite St. Patricks day drink???  Also, what are your plans for Saturday?  I need to live vicariously through my readers as I'll be under my covers! 

    Quote of the day from How I Met Your Mother:

    Barney Stinson: Let's drink green beer! Let's do green Jell-o shots! Where's your St. Patrick's Day spirit?
    Lily Aldrin: We're drinking green tea.
    Marshall Eriksen: With caffeine.

    Friday, 2 March 2012

    Cadbury Creme Whore

    Stupid mornings...I dislike you with a passion that is generally reserved for my self loathing after gorging upon Double Fudge Irish Cream Cookies while watching an entire season of 90210 in just four days.  My husband can attest to this as he is quite often the victim of "Morning Bitch"  (My alter pre-coffee personality)  Morning Bitch is responsible for all manners of terrible nastiness...the random kicking of walls, growling into cereal boxes and quoting angry lines from "The Vagina Monologues".  It does however, seem to ease off a bit once the caffeine kicks me in the ass and I'm driving to work.  Thank Vodka though, because no one wants to put up with The Awkward/Grumpy baker...Not a marvellous combo.  My therapeutic morning drive generally consists of me, my coffee and Playboy Radio on Sirius xm.  Nothing will perk you up quite like the scandalous tales of a Playboy Bunny.  Ahhh...skanky girls and their weekend party tales, how I love you. This leads me into this weeks Random Act of Awkwardness.  

    On Wednesday morning I was grumping my way to work when I realised that I had forgotten to pick up cream for my personal coffee stash.  (no one likes the communal cream jug...ew...We all know a certain "someone" who takes secret chugs while pretending to be on "Weight Watchers")  Anyhoo, I stopped at a sketchy gas station and left the car running.  The windows were down a tad, due to a caffeine high heat flash.  I thought nothing of it as I bolted into the store and made my purchase.  When I came out, I was slightly put off to see a couple of mullety truckers having a jolly giggle outside of my car.  Mortification hit as I realised that they were listening to "The Morning After Show" featuring an incredibly explicit , naughty encounter of a playboy bunny's weekend.  Let's just say that there may or may not have been some mention of  mastering the "fivesome" and some "Do it yourself" hints and tips.  (What??  A girl has to stay current in this day and age!!)  I attemped to wait until they grew tired of the radio escapades (yeah right) but since I was already late for work, I had to take the "walk of shame" and get into the car.  Awkwrdness ensued all around as I approached the car and after a few strained "mornins" we went our own awkward ways.  It's no surprise that i had to rush home after work and bake up my next incredible treat....wait for it...


    It's that time of year again...time to loosen your belt a few notches, pull your hair back and hide the scales.  Cadbury Creme Eggs....I like em big, small, in a chocolate bar, chocolate covered Joe Louis inspired cake, McFlurry... I especially like them inside of a mini cupcake...topped with Baileys Butter cream icing... Drool much?  Stick with me viewers, I won't steer you wrong. I may make you fat, but while going downhill, you will have a mouth filled with amazingness.  (Yep, perfect "That's what she said" moment!!)

    Before we begin, let's take a little trip down memory a simple time, before global warming and celebrity crotch shots.  The old school Cadbury Creme Egg commercials.  I'm revolted and slightly irritated by the new commercials that have the slogan "Release the Goo."   Seriously???  I'm pretty sure I once had a skeevy old man with one eye and a curly mullet at a bar make that same suggestion....unfortunately it wasn't Easter, and there were no creme eggs in sight.  Just saying.  It's creepy and no one needs you to be releasing any goo all over their delightful Easter treats. 
    So sit back and enjoy the nostalgia of the "bock bocking" bunny. 

    Now that I've got you all in a craving frenzy, let's whip up a little concoction to satiate your appetite. It's super simple and can be modified in so many ways! You may choose to ditch the mini version and simply go all out with the big ones...Some days are just like that. 

     "Mini Creme Egg Cupcakes with Baileys Butter cream Icing"

    What you will need:

    For the cake:
    • One box of your favourite cake mix.  I always use Ducan Hines because I love me a nice moist cake.  You will be following the directions on the box, so ingredients will vary.  They usually require milk, eggs and vegetable oil. 
    • 12 mini creme eggs. 
    For the Icing:
    Do it up!!!

    Note: Put your 12 mini Cadbury creme eggs in the freezer about an hour before you begin, to prevent a gooey mess in the oven. 

    Prepare the cake mix according to the box (hee and line your adorable mini cupcake tins with some fabulous liners.  I'm LOVING the gorgeous liners from "Bake It Pretty" !  Fill the cups, leaving a small space for the eggs to be plunked into.  Once you fill the cups, plop a small egg into the middle of each cupcake and stick them in the oven. Follow the baking instructions on the box and give yourself a jolly pat on the back for being a regular kitchen goddess. 

    While you are waiting, mix up the icing!!!  Mix all of the ingredients together and give it a little taste.  If you find it to be a bit runny, add more icing sugar.  Too dry?  Add more baileys!  This buttercream icing recipe tastes amazing and is so simple!!! 

    Wait until the cupcakes cool off then go crazy with your icing!!!  I'm going on a bit of a "Cadbury Creme Egg" recipe bender here soon, so bear with me for all things creme egg and alcohol based.  Feel free to leave your ideas and suggestions!!!!!  In other words, please help fuel my addiction!!!

    Photo from Too Sweet Bakery

    Quote of the day from "Happy Endings"

    Brad [to Jane]: I'm not the one who always goes out to the terrace to stretch because quote, "the perv across the way needs to eat too!"