Wednesday, 18 April 2012

Awkward Facebook Moments...With a Happy Ending.

Happy Hump day!  (Says the crazy lady who is chugging Baileys spiked coffee and trying to tame mangled frizzy hair) Why is it so frigging hard to drag my slightly padded ass (still working off those   Double Fudge Irish Cream Cookies )  out of bed and face mornings?  I've been doing it for well over 33 years now, and it just never gets easier! I sometimes contemplate life as one of those unsettled ladies who take up residence in their bed.  I would have a lifetime supply of nutella, Air Supply and Saved by The Bell reruns.  (A.C. continue to rock my world universe long after the "College Years".)

Sweet mullety perfection...yes...

 I would send the neighbours boy out to fetch my groceries and lady products while taking part in video chats with crazy men who would make strange requests ("Put on the sheer pantyhose!!!!  Now the grey ones!!").  But they would be my new friends, so I would accommodate.  I would  get all of my much needed gossip from my old faithful, Facebook. Which incidentally happens to be the subject of toady's post. 

Facebook has made it possible for the average awkward creep (like me!  and you!) to stalk from the comfort of our own super comfy beds!  "Leave the black catsuit and pliers at home Henry!  Mamas got a Facebook account! " However, just when you thought that you could avoid random acts of awkwardness by staying home and silently creeping on your peeps, technology kicks you in the (cushy) ass and takes awkwardness to a whole new level.  So much for anonymity, especially when you are as awkward prone as yours truly!  I've had numerous strange run ins with old friends, new friends, strangers who poke me, Farmville neighbours and once an old professor who sent a disturbing photo taken in the shower stall of my old housing residence.  Here are some "Awkward Facebook Moments" I've complied after looking back over the years. Feel free to leave me a comment with your own experiences.  (You know I hate to be awkward AND alone!!!)  As always I will be leaving you with a "happy ending" in the form of "Baileys Banana Trifles"...mmmm...

Awkward Facebook Moments:
  • Accidentally hitting the "like" button on someones unlikable status...."Just got fired, dumped and fell down the stairs." Awkward Baker Likes.
  • Drunkenly searching for your hottie crush and not realising that you entered his name as your status until the next morning when you see that he has deleted your creepy ass. 
  • Your "God lovin Aunt" continuously posts pictures of sad Jesus on your wall.  
  • Your Bubblewitch Saga score was posted. 
  • Noone liked your witty status about jiggly people in lycra on bikes emerging along with the beautiful weather.  
  • ....except your mom
  • The picture that you snapped on your cell phone of your wobbly "before diet" body was posted on your wall because your phone is a whore. 
  • Running into someone at the store and telling them that you ADORE the engagement pics they just posted...and then remembering that they are not actually your friend.  You are just a creep. 
  • Getting dumped and having to change your status. 
  • Noone responding to your birthday party event. 
  • ...except your mom.  (and even that was only a "maybe")

I found this amazing recipe at    "Love With Food"    and I improvised slightly to fit my cupboards ingredients.  This is a truly fantastic site, as they have a program that allows you to buy delicious meals and they will donate a meal to   help fight hunger!!!  I love to see people baking and giving back!!!!

Baileys Banana Trifles
-0.5 oz thick cream....I just used cool whip left over from my weeekend ;)
-7 tbsp Baileys (Yay!  Another opportunity to use your Homemade Baileys!
-6 chocolate brownies.  I'm lazy, so I bought the brownies from a local bakery. 
-3 bananas, cut up.
-18 oz vanilla custard.  I went all "Bill Cosby" on these trifles and used a box of instant vanilla pudding. 
-6 tbsp caramel topping. (The kind you would smother ice cream in)
-One grated chocolate bar.  I used a Cadbury chocolate bar. 
-Cute wine or martini glasses to serve them in!

Do it up: 
Mix the cream with 1 tbsp Baileys, and set aside. Divide the brownie pieces between 6 glasses, then drizzle each with 1 tbsp Baileys.  Now pour a shot for yourself and indulge. Top with the sliced bananas, pudding and Baileys cream, dividing equally, then drizzle with caramel sauce and finish with chocolate shavings. This can be made a few hours ahead, to allow it to set.   It's a pretty straightforward recipe with room to be creative.  You could always do a couple of layers or add more Baileys. 

Photo from Love With Food

Now, sit back with a giant spoon  indulge upon your creation, creep a few peeps on the old FB and then watch these two hilarious videos on Shit People Say on Facebook!

Thursday, 5 April 2012

Happy Easter!!! Unless the Zombie Bunny Finds You...

Easter!!!! Springy wonderfullness!!!  Furry Bunnies!!!   Marshmallow Peeps!!!! (PROZAC!!!) There is something so amazingly refreshing about Easter.  Perhaps it's the warmer weather...the dog crap emerging from melting snowbanks or the fact that my prescriptions are all up to date.  (YAY!) Whatever the reason, I love this time of year!   Also, I may or may not have spent the morning taste testing the recipe of the day...wait for's amazing. 

As always, I feel that it is quite necessary to jump start Easter weekend with a list of helpful hints and tips.  Holidays are stressful enough, so I've compiled a list of my own previous experiences that may help you to avoid some of the finer random acts of awkwardness.  Do take note!!!


-You know that awkward moment when you feel strangely attracted to the mall Easter Bunny?  (Yeah you KNOW which moment I'm talking about...He IS naked and kind of a bad ass...all breaking into houses and what not.)  Anyways, do NOT voice said attraction out loud to your mates.  They feel it too, but it's best that no one speaks of it. 

-When asked to read a story to your niece after Easter dinner, do NOT haul out this nifty gem:

And if you MUST, please refrain from showing them THIS photo...I'm still disturbed, and trust me, it takes a lot!!!


-Do not admit to your grandma that you still don't quite "get" the whole Easter story...where did the bunny lying eggs come into the picture??  It's best just to go with it...

-During the Easter egg hunt, do not stuff eggs down your shirt and prance about pretending to be Dolly Parton.  Also, try to remain sober until at least lunch. 

-Attempt to maintain composure when someone makes references to their  "Mr. Nutty" or  "Mr. Solid".   Note that Mr. Solid is a creamy milk chocolate that "melts in your mouth....yes you do Mr. Solid...yes you do. 

-Don't be this guy:

Photo from Awkward Family Photos

-Did you give up dry humping unsuspecting men at the local Supermarket for lent? (Yay for you!!!!!)  But keep this to yourself at the family dinner.


Of course if you DID manage to stumble into an awkward moment, fret not, as I have found THE recipe that will make anyone and everyone forget the silly situations you may or may not have gotten yourself into! Cadbury Caramel Creme Martinis!!!!!!  Seriously.  I found it on a wonderful, amazing site called  "Grin and Bake It"   . You can DRINK your creme eggs!!!!  What a wonderful world. There really isn't a better way to get through awkward family small talk and the fact that you DID go against the rules and mention the Easter bunny attraction. The only thing I can think of that would be better would be a recipe that would actually INFUSE a real creme egg with vodka.  MMMM...Please let me know if you are able to master this.  In the meantime whip these up!!!

Cadbury Caramel Creme Martini

3 oz. vanilla vodka
1.5 oz. creme de cacao
1.5 oz. white chocolate liqueur
1 oz. caramel liqueur
splash of cream

You can get creative and rim your glass with chocolate or caramel sauce and crushed chocolate pieces if you want!  Swirl chocolate syrup inside the martini glass and chill.   Combine vanilla vodka, creme de cacao, white chocolate liqueur, caramel liqueur, and cream into a martini shaker filled with ice. Shake and pour.
This recipe makes 2....or one ginormous martini!!!

Photo From "Grin and Bake It"

Remember to drink responsibly, as no one needs to see your drunken rendition of the "Passion of the Christ". Yes I'm sure your homemade puppets make a lovely Christ on the cross, however, the world isn't quite ready for your creative genius. 

Happy Easter!!!